slow down there, stranger.

8.47pm, 7th of September, 2010.
Listening to: Hans Zimmer – Time [Piano Arrangement].

Slow Down There, Stranger.
I don’t know why, but I just can’t leave him behind.

He has his back turned to me and I can’t see his face.

But it doesn’t matter since it’s already been engraved in my mind, carved into the depths of my brain.

The image of his smile. That beautiful smile.. And the pain that it causes me.

Suddenly, he’s gone. Dissolved into the mist which enshrouds everything around.

The mist is thick and heavy. Combined with the darkness, it blocks my sight and smothers my every breath. It hurts to inhale and I find that there are tears forming in my eyes, blurring my vision even more.

Then, I see, just barely, a silhouette. A dark, shadowy outline of a figure off in the distance. I can’t say for sure, but something tells me it’s him. Something in the back of my mind urges me to follow.

And like that, I run.

Desperately gasping for air, I run.

I run, begging for my legs to carry me as quick as they possibly can.

But no matter how far or how fast I sprint, I can never get any closer. The more I move toward the image of that person, the more it proves to be futile. The chase is never-ending. And the funny thing is, from the very beginning, I already knew this.

Yet I continued to chase that one thing I wished to hold close to my heart, knowing entirely I would never reach it.. That I could never grasp his hand in mine, or breathe in his sweet scent. Not like this, anyway.

The picture of his perfect pink lips, curving into that trademark smile of his, flashes through my mind and sends rivers of tears flowing down from my eyes.

An ache in my chest brings me to a halt. My legs, shaking, eventually give way beneath me. I fall to the ground in a pathetic heap. I cough and heave, trying to fill my lungs with air. I cry out in pain, both physical and emotional.

Again, my weaknesses have gotten the better of me, after my desires have seized control of my body.

Why is it that I can’t find time to think things through? Even when I know that in the end, I always fail.

I must be a masochist.. I cause myself all this pain and to achieve what?

To stare at a blank face.

To stare at an empty space.

To stare at a shadow that disappears in a millisecond.

And appears again just to taunt me.

Because then, I see him, standing before me once more, turned away.

Not far this time. Just a foot away.
I gaze up at his back for the thousandth time. I’ve memorised his size, stature and shape. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s him.

Knowing this, I want to shout and him; scream and yell at him for leaving me each time.

I want to question him, ‘Why?’

Why does he disappear each time I call out to him?

Why doesn’t he love me anymore?

Why does he run?

Is it me?

Or, is he held back by something else?

What happened to us..?

All these questions swarm into my head, and I don’t know which to ask first.

With all the strength left in me, I reach out to him.

But, just when I do, it’s all gone.

My eyes open and reality comes back to me.

The room is dim, but slowly being lit by the light of dawn.

My body is in a cold sweat and my face is wet with tears.

Realising the truth, I turn over and gaze out the foggy window.

I don’t want to fall asleep again, for I know what lies in wait for me.

The man who plagues my dreams.

The man I can never forget.

The man who doesn’t slow down for me, not even one second.

The man who has become a stranger to my memory, but not to my heart.

imagecredit: http://goodbyefascination.tumblr.com/

Behind the Story

No, it’s not an infatuation. Nor is it an obsession. It’s more of a disease. The girl can’t help but to chase the boy. Her subconscious is what drives her to think about him, thrive for him and wither without him. She can try to forget him all she wants, but in the end he returns to her one way or another. It’s sad. No matter how hard she tries, she is in an infinite loop. An endless quest with only disappointment as her reward. However, it wasn’t always one-sided. She knows who he is, or who he was, back when they were together. And though she has chosen to let go on her own accord, something else has a tighter hold.

Cobb: ‘Well dreams, they feel real while we're in them, right?
It's only when we wake up that we realize how things are actually strange.
Let me ask you a question.
You never really remember the beginning of a dream do you?
You always wind up right in the middle of what's going on.
Ariadne: I guess, yeah.
Cobb: So how did we end up here?’

Sorry to have used the cliché of, ‘and then she woke up’, but my desire to tell this story this way has gotten the better of me. Inception, probably the best movie of this year, has just imploded my brain. A complete mindfuck. And just like the girl who can’t forget the man who roams around her dreams, Cobb, the main character can’t help that his subconscious draws him back to the people he loves. However, while Cobb is tortured by the image of his wife, he is also driven to go back to his children whose faces he cannot see. And it's those things we can't see, but are desperately trying to, and which we could, if we just slowed down a little, that are vital in life.